Ha! I Win!

I often feel like I repeat myself in these self improvement blogs…

“I used to be really overweight and hated my body…”

“I have actually always hated my body, and I don’t even know why…”

“I went through some really rough times and found myself using alcohol and food as an unsuccessful coping mechanism…”

I guess maybe I do repeat them because they’re relevant to where I am, who I am and why I am doing what I’m doing.

At 13 years old in the 7th grade all I wanted to do was be a cheerleader. I had no interest in any other sports, but for some reason I just really wanted to cheer. Maybe it’s because making others smile, getting them excited and supporting them is what’s hard stamped in my DNA…who knows, but I wanted it.

…this should be the part where I tell you I tried out, got the spot and cheered throughout school; or maybe where I didn’t make it and kept trying until I got it, but it’s not.

I never tried out. I, at 13 years old, thought I was too big to be a cheerleader.

Before Facebook, and Instagram…before the #fitfam was a thing…back in the day when 17 Magazine was all that existed for young girls to compare to, I genuinely believed I was too big to cheer. I don’t know that I ever thought of myself as “fat” per say, but up until a few months ago I always thought I was huge. Like, I felt like I took up a lot of space…

It wasn’t until my wonderful boyfriend held his arms out in front of him one day and said “Look, THIS is how big you are…this is where my arms touch when I hug you!” that I realized how incredibly ‘small’ I actually was, that was a tiny circle. However, I still saw a great big girl in the mirror …over the past year I have fought hard to change my perception of myself, and it’s finally worked. With constant self improvement, positive self talk and a lot of love and support from the best man in the world, it’s finally worked.

It REALLY clicked for me when I received an email from a friend and new client a couple weeks ago. I’ve looked up to her killer physique since I met her! I was noting her starting measurements when I realized we are almost the exact same size! I was baffled, blown away, dumbfounded…I had NEVER thought I could possibly be the same size as her!

Then…it finally happened. When I went to the gym for the first time last week I saw little ole me in the mirror. I didn’t see “great big unhealthy me” …I saw every change, every new visible muscle, every vein that used to be hidden…

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This was the first time I’d seen this girl staring back at me…the first time I actually just saw me for what I am. It was a proud moment, a relief that I’d finally overcome that altered image…that I was finally winning this battle!

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I no longer struggle to fit in my clothes, I no longer feel like I take up so much space, I no longer see that “bigger” version of me. I see the hard work, the dedication, the years of struggles and the triumphs; the obstacles I’ve overcome and everything that’s brought me here.  I have a positive view on the next steps of my journey, and am proud to finally be healthy.

I’m finally winning this battle with myself, after all in the end it is just you vs. you ….

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

#LikeAGirl

Yesterday, amidst a random conversation, it was brought to my attention that not everyone can understand “why I want to look like a man”…

I know, stop laughing..I have a point to make here.

About a year ago I decided to take hold of the reins to my life and get healthy…I know, heaven forbid we do that in this day and age.

It just so happens that, my body LOVES to be strong…what’s that mean? It means I pack on muscle like a beast without really trying. Whatta you want from me – I’m genetically blessed to be a badass.28

As a woman in today’s society it’s a daily fight to try and fit in, to meet the “standards” set by Hollyweird and the fashion industries and shitty magazines that sell photo shopped images of girls who were actually already perfect to begin with.

I have struggled with a fucked up body image since about 5th grade …because I was around a foot taller than everyone in my class – EVERYONE. Somewhere around age 15 I began to embrace who I was…a tall weirdo who doesn’t do anything any of the other kids do.

I’m still that same girl. I’m doing things so many people see as “weird” or “wrong” …when in reality it’s just different.

Sure, most women don’t spend 7 days a week trying to build and perfect their bodies.

MOST women don’t care to sculpt the perfect delts and obliques.

WELL, guess what. I’m not most women.

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The reason I want to “look like a man” …is because THAT is how I was made to look. My body is simply developing the way it was supposed to. As a fellow bad ass bitch so perfectly stated…

“Listen, just because my body was developed for something other than fucking millionaires, doesn’t mean it’s masculine. I think it’s femininely badass as fuck because there’s not a single muscle on body that isn’t for a purpose because I’m not a do nothin’ bitch.” -Rousey

Having muscle and being strong DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN!

If you think I “look like a man” cool! THANKS, I think you look like a fucking wet noodle…

BUT – the difference in you and I is integrity, confidence and a kind heart. I would never tell you that I thought you were overweight, or you were too thin…because IT’S YOUR BODY!

The fact that MEN can talk shit about strong women just tells me one thing -they’re fucking jealous.

They’re jealous of our drive, our ability to put in the work and get the results, our ability to obtain something that could never be purchased, only created.

If you think my body is dudely, great. If you think it’s feminine, great. If you don’t give a shit either way because it’s MY body and not yours – even freaking better.

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There are plenty of people putting others down, especially women – and it needs to stop.

We are so much more than our shells. We are all so much more than a nice body, or a pretty face. If you wanna lift the hell out of some weights and pack on muscle, DO IT! If you wanna do yoga, get thin and have a soft body..DO IT!

BUT whatever you do…never let what someone else thinks about you change your drive, or your self image.

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Love your body.

Love the journey.

Embrace the setbacks and the restarts.

Celebrate the triumphs and always move forward.

HUSTLE.

The dream won’t work unless you do.

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P.S. You can buy tits…traps must be earned.

Until then, forget it all and go lift like a girl.

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

Finding Yourself. {A Wandering Gypsy Post}

Is it possible to love yourself without knowing who you truly are?

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately.

I think it is possible, because I believe a healthy person continues to reinvent themselves throughout their life. Loving yourself & finding yourself are both a journey, not a destination. We can get so overwhelmed by all our little imperfections that we don’t see any goodness in ourselves anymore. This can absolutley destroy our relationship with ourselves. This will cut out all the beauty, joy & love that could be possible in our lives.

Happiness is ultimately an inside job.Whatever you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside.

I struggle daily with focusing on all my little imperfections & making them seem huge. I struggle with horrible anxiety as well, which makes this all 20 times worse. Because anxiety keeps me from reaching my full potential & allowing my true self to blossom. I mean, how are others supposed to enjoy my company when I’m not even sure I enjoy my own.

When you wake up one day & you don’t really know who you are anymore, it’s very hard to ignore. So I’ve decided to get a little selfish sometimes…..like this quote for example:

“self love is an ocean & your heart is a vessel. make it full & any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you MUST come first. -Beau Taplin Society”

and people in the world will constantly try to tell us what we should do, how we should act, etc… But no!

Just no.. growing up in school I embraced who I was, always. I loved that I was unique & nobody could tell me otherwise. But somewhere along the way, I started caring. Since I’m starting this journey in loving myself & finding myself again, no more will I care. I’m letting go of the need to be loved by all. Some people aren’t going to be able to handle my rawness. I’ve realized as long as you continue to exist just to fulfill other peoples ideas of who you should be, you’ll never know who you truly are. We aren’t all supposed to be the same. How much fun would life really be if we were all the same?….I don’t think it would be.

I appreciate all kinds of people. Their beliefs, their habits, their goals, their imperfections, just everything that makes the person who they are. So I’m learning to relearn everything based on what I think and feel, not on what I’ve been told. I’m going to leave ya’ll with a little quote that helps me with this journey…

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away” -Raymond Hull

xoxo – a wandering gypsy