Ha! I Win!

I often feel like I repeat myself in these self improvement blogs…

“I used to be really overweight and hated my body…”

“I have actually always hated my body, and I don’t even know why…”

“I went through some really rough times and found myself using alcohol and food as an unsuccessful coping mechanism…”

I guess maybe I do repeat them because they’re relevant to where I am, who I am and why I am doing what I’m doing.

At 13 years old in the 7th grade all I wanted to do was be a cheerleader. I had no interest in any other sports, but for some reason I just really wanted to cheer. Maybe it’s because making others smile, getting them excited and supporting them is what’s hard stamped in my DNA…who knows, but I wanted it.

…this should be the part where I tell you I tried out, got the spot and cheered throughout school; or maybe where I didn’t make it and kept trying until I got it, but it’s not.

I never tried out. I, at 13 years old, thought I was too big to be a cheerleader.

Before Facebook, and Instagram…before the #fitfam was a thing…back in the day when 17 Magazine was all that existed for young girls to compare to, I genuinely believed I was too big to cheer. I don’t know that I ever thought of myself as “fat” per say, but up until a few months ago I always thought I was huge. Like, I felt like I took up a lot of space…

It wasn’t until my wonderful boyfriend held his arms out in front of him one day and said “Look, THIS is how big you are…this is where my arms touch when I hug you!” that I realized how incredibly ‘small’ I actually was, that was a tiny circle. However, I still saw a great big girl in the mirror …over the past year I have fought hard to change my perception of myself, and it’s finally worked. With constant self improvement, positive self talk and a lot of love and support from the best man in the world, it’s finally worked.

It REALLY clicked for me when I received an email from a friend and new client a couple weeks ago. I’ve looked up to her killer physique since I met her! I was noting her starting measurements when I realized we are almost the exact same size! I was baffled, blown away, dumbfounded…I had NEVER thought I could possibly be the same size as her!

Then…it finally happened. When I went to the gym for the first time last week I saw little ole me in the mirror. I didn’t see “great big unhealthy me” …I saw every change, every new visible muscle, every vein that used to be hidden…

8

This was the first time I’d seen this girl staring back at me…the first time I actually just saw me for what I am. It was a proud moment, a relief that I’d finally overcome that altered image…that I was finally winning this battle!

pics

I no longer struggle to fit in my clothes, I no longer feel like I take up so much space, I no longer see that “bigger” version of me. I see the hard work, the dedication, the years of struggles and the triumphs; the obstacles I’ve overcome and everything that’s brought me here.  I have a positive view on the next steps of my journey, and am proud to finally be healthy.

I’m finally winning this battle with myself, after all in the end it is just you vs. you ….

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

Advertisements
Image

Unplug.

9

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing some serious soul searching.

Maybe it’s because this is my last week of being 25…or maybe it’s because I’m sick of living “the way I’m supposed to”.

It seems like society has painted a completely unrealistic idea of what a woman is “supposed to be”. We are supposed to dress nice, fix our hair, do our makeup and always be on point. We’re supposed to drive nice cars, raise nice families, sip our wine and never cuss. We’re “SUPPOSED” to be stay-at-home-mom’s or climbing the corporate ladder.

…but WHY?

What is SO wrong with a girl who can take care of herself? Why is it SO unsuitable for a girl to enjoy hunting, fishing and playing in the mud? Why is it frowned upon for a lady to turn a wrench and get her hands greasy, or work her ass off in the oilfield, or be skilled in running large equipment? And just why is it SO wrong for a woman to choose to not have children?

I guess I probably sound like some sort of feminist or something, but I wouldn’t really say that.

I believe WOMEN are the ones who’ve given us these ridiculous stereotypes. They are the ones who are offended by the women like me who CAN get along just fine in a mans world. I would never fight for some sort of “equality” …I just want to be recognized for working my ass of just like the next guy.

BUT…back to wherever I was going with this.

In realizing that I’m 100% the opposite of what society expects me to be..I came to realize something…that it’s completely okay!

I no longer wish to appease anyone and their expectations of a woman.

I want people to continue to say “I think it’s so weird that you do that.”

I want people to continue to bring up the fact that I’m different…because different is good, period. I want to start conversations and be an advocate of women learning to do shit they’re “not supposed to know” …hell, maybe I’ll put on a camp.

8

I’m just so over living in this social media run world..and plan to completely unplug from it. I don’t want or need a Facebook, but got one because I was convinced It’d help my business…it hasn’t. I am ready to go back to my roots. Spending hours upon hours outside, in nature…doing the things I love to do. Sure, I still have to go to work…but I don’t have to come home, turn on a TV, play on my phone and “connect” constantly.

I think if we’d all take a little more time getting to know ourselves and this absolutely incredible world we live in…we’d be a lot more humble about all the stuff we have.

Sit back for a minute and think about that.

UNPLUG and LIVE your LIFE…

Do the thing you want to do.

Go to the freaking gym and eat right.

GET OUTSIDE.

Go on adventures.

Find true love.

Meet new people.

LAUGH.EVERY.DAY!

Life is what you make it people, so make it one big incredible voyage that’s worth talking about.

Be in the moment…

…just live.

xoxo

OkieGirl

10