#RoadTo27 Day 3 – Be You.

I guess this is kinda turning into a “things I’ve learned” series…Lord knows I’ve sure as hell learned a LOT over the last year.

This morning I woke up reluctantly after a rough nights sleep knowing I had to get ready to go to a second interview. You could say I was less than excited. Not because I don’t want the job, I actually really love the company and hope I land it, but because I wasn’t in the mood to get “girled up” and impress anyone today.

Then it hit me…I don’t have to.

I took the time for my first interview to make sure my hair was perfect, my makeup was flawless, my jeans were starched and pressed and my shirt was really nice. I mean, it’s important to present yourself well, right?

Today, however, I took a different approach. Knowing the available position had been narrowed down to myself and one other lady, I had an “all or nothing” attitude. If they don’t like me for plain ole me, they don’t want to hire me…because I’m not that starched jeans and red lip girl all the time. If my personality, attributes and experience don’t get me the job, but red lips will, well…I don’t want it anyway.

I took about 15 minutes to enjoy getting ready the way I would for any normal date night or something to that effect. Fixed my hair so it didn’t look so much like a disheveled hay bale, brightened my eyes a bit and made my eyelashes visible…nothing spectacular. I threw on the only pair of “non-work” jeans I had, a tank..and a neon pink and black button up shirt.

I laughed to myself when I looked in the mirror; I felt just exactly like me. That’s a good feeling. With my confidence high I strolled to the interview.

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I was early, as usual. This gave me a few minutes to visit with one of the fellas before the other showed up. It was in this small talk that I learned something about myself…

It wasn’t the pressed jeans and put together look that got me that second interview..it was my handshake.

When he said to me “So, you used to work on a ranch? That tells me a lot about your work ethic.” …it made me smile. I take a lot of pride in those years of loping ponies and long hours with the greatest West Texas cowboy I know, and I learned a lot.

“Yes sir.” I said..and I noticed an ornery looking grin about him.

Then he said, “You know what really impressed me about you?” …puzzled, I shook my head, and that’s when he said “Your handshake.”

Now I was the one with the ornery grin! When someone compliments something that is relevant to my character, I can’t usually contain myself. Of course I gave him a thank you, but he went on to say “It’s not often you get a handshake like that, it’s respectable.”

I was seriously speechless.

The second fella showed up and we proceeded to visit about what they’d require, my ability to do those things not originally discussed, etc….near the end of our chat a man walked into the office. He seemed important, sure enough …it was their CPA. I stood and shook his hand when they introduced us. Mr.CPA looked down at the fellas doing my interview like “Whoa, really?” …I just smiled as I sat back down.

Driving home I reflected on this. I had never thought about those little things. Those little signs of respect and sincerity that set me apart…the confidence I exude when introducing myself that makes me memorable. I know that I’m silly and quirky and funny and a bit odd, but I now know that those aren’t the qualities that stand out.

It’s my genuine being…it’s ME, as an individual. It’s my manners, it’s the way I was raised…it’s the fact that I’m different. It’s the fact that I respect people as individuals.

I’m pretty proud of that.

So, even if I don’t land this job…I know that in the last year of soul searching I’ve done something right. I’ve stayed true to my most genuine self. The woman who has never met a stranger, who respects everyone and who would do just about anything to put a smile on a face.

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Seriously, anything.

Stay true to who you are. Be YOU.

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

 

#RoadTo27 Day 2 – Change

Yesterday was day one of the newest DragonFit bootcamp round. I decided I was gong to fully commit this round, no half assing. I posted in our sisterhood group that I was going to do the “Mile For Time” challenge mentioned in our emails, and that I was going to crush my fastest mile. When I woke up this morning I had one thing on my mind – beating that time. I went to sleep thinking about it, I woke up thinking about it…I was going to do it.

I stretched and reached for my phone to check the time and the first thing I saw was a text from a girlfriend that said;

“Why am I afraid of change?!?!”

I sat there, phone in hand, trying to think of just what to tell her…

Because it’s scary! That’s why!!

What if you fail? What if you can’t do it? What if you lose friends? What if people mock you? What if…

…what if you succeed?

Over the last year I’ve made more changes than I can actually really wrap my head around. Small things like shaving off half my hair…and huge things like leaving my toxic marriage.

They were all scary, and they all caused exponential self growth. I’ve grown accustom to change, and I really like it – but it’s still very scary. I like it because I always grow and learn about myself, even if the change wasn’t necessarily “good”.

So, here’s my advice on change.

  • Embrace it, embrace the HELL out of it. It’s gonna be scary, but it’s going to be worth it.
  • Figure out what part of it is actually scaring you – for me, it’s often the fear of success.
  • Understand that every time you walk through a new door you’re going to lose people. Also understand that is perfectly okay. Most people we meet are just for certain phases of our lives, the ones who are meant to follow through each door will remain.
  • If there is someone who doesn’t support your change, they are NOT your tribe and you do not need them.
  • Seek positive energy and surround yourself with people who have similar goals and ambitions. It wasn’t until I did this that I really started to succeed.
  • Don’t worry about the thoughts of others. This is particularly true for lifestyle changes. When I started lifting like crazy and packing on muscle, I lost a lot of “friends” …that was my choice. No one get’s to decide what my body should look like but me!
  • LAUGH. When you hit a speed bump or completely screw up, laugh about it. Realize you’re human, find the light and just move forward.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help.Ever.
  • Find some consistency. Even if it doesn’t seem consistent, as long as you’re pushing towards your goals…you’re going to make the change permanent.
  • Don’t be afraid of failure. Failure is just in your head, there really are no failures…only lessons. Find the lesson and push forward. Readjust if you must, but keep moving towards the goal.
  • Get out of your own head. Don’t overthink it, just do it.

I think my last bit of advice on making change is this…

ALWAYS believe in yourself…and when you don’t, do it anyway.

I didn’t believe in myself when I stepped foot out to go on that run this morning. I knew there was NO way I was going to beat that time of 13:31…but I went out, and tried my damndest anyway.

I crushed it, by the way…by over 2 minutes.

You don’t always have to believe in yourself to create change, you just have to fight through the fear.

After all, on the other side of fear lies freedom.

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xoxo

OkieGirl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who I Want To Be.

Sometimes I write and save things in a folder on my computer titled “My Mess” …it’s kinda my journal. I go back through it from time to time when I need inspiration or something…today, I came across this post and Lord knows I needed it. It’s funny how much sense we make if we just listen to our own advice.

 

Who I want to be:

I want to be a fit, strong, sexy and confident woman. I want to inspire people to be better and help others find fitness. I want to matter to someone. I want to FEEL love the same way I give it. I want to know someone who I can be so brutally honest with that it almost hurts, but just almost.

I never want to have to hide who I want to be. I never want to feel like I’m walled off from who I can be.

I want to run, be free, just be…in nature, in the world.

I want to see things – beautiful things, things that haven’t been made but have been created.

I want to see sunsets in every state and run miles down a beach until I collapse in laughter and just breathe in the salty air.

I want someone to share in my passions, whatever they may be. I want someone to believe in me to the point it almost seems toxic, but just almost.

I never want to be afraid.

Not of anything.

Especially not of becoming exactly who I am.

xoxo

OkieGirl

Hey, Mom…

I know you love her more than you love me.

Even though my whole life I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter. I’ve done everything I could do to try and make you proud of me. I’ve bent over backwards to help you just to make sure you’d love me. I’ve defended you hundreds of times to countless people…

…but you’ll never love me the way you love her.

She’s so ugly, though. She controls you. She’s turned you into someone I don’t even know. She makes you do things that make no sense, she constantly puts you in danger …and she begs you to hurt me; so you do.

She has turned you into someone so selfish and empty that I don’t even recognize your voice.

You don’t smile.

You don’t laugh.

You don’t sleep.

You don’t live…

…but you’ve got her.

You’ve got your pretty little pill addiction to get you through the day…

..but I don’t.

I have to wake up every morning and wonder if you’re still alive…and I have to deal with that, without a mistress, EVERY single day.

I have to go through HUGE things, alone.

No girl should have to sit in the bathroom floor crying while she’s losing what would have been her first child, because she can’t even call her Mom.

No girl should have to fight for the love and attention of her mother…

…so I’m done fighting.

You’ve got her, and I’ve got me.

You’ve always chose her over me…so now, I’m choosing me over you.

I hope she is there for you when you fall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Own Your Story.

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For so long I’ve hidden the bad things that have happened to me. I’ve tried so hard to keep my feelings from showing, thinking it’s a sign of weakness.

What a stupid thought.

Who cares that I’ve been through something that left me broken or scarred? Why should I hide the very things that have molded me into the person I am today?

I think we should wear our experiences like tattoos and let them tell the stories of how they tried to bring us down…but couldn’t.

I think everyone should be proud of what they’ve been through.

Be proud of your story.

Shout it from the rooftops.

Scream your experiences into the face of society; even if they aren’t pretty.

Society is creating this fucked up version of “perfection” that everyone is trying to follow. One where everything is sparkly and nothing bad ever happens; that’s so damn far from reality.

Own your experiences.

Deliver them to the world bravely!

Do big things, even if your past haunts you.

Be courageous, create a life you are proud up, display your scars, be a billboard of experiences and adventures.

Life is short and fleeting, don’t let it pass you by.

xoxo

OkieGirl

It’s Not You, It’s Me.

An open letter to all the “best friends” I’ve had that disappeared without warning.

I’ve come to the conclusion today that it’s not you, it’s me.

I’m too much.

Too confident, too loud, to funny, too honest…

I’m too aggressive with the things I want…

I like to make people laugh too much, and I really like to make sure others understand their worth.

I like to make people feel loved, wanted and appreciated…

I really like to spoil.

I like to dig down deep and get to know people, especially those I see incredible potential in.

I’m a huge fan of expressing myself in weird ways, like dancing, singing, doing push ups…anything that will make an awkward situation even more awkward.

I don’t like awkward situations, so I am pretty good at acting like a fool to make others feel better.

So sorry about that….

Yeah, no I’m not….because that would mean I’m apologizing for being me; because you couldn’t handle ME.

I’m not sorry for being exactly who I am to you, showing you my soul and letting you run away with the parts I invested in you. You obviously needed them more than me, and that’s okay.

I’m not sorry at all for all the times I showed up to cry with you, or the weird things we did together…or the late night conversations to solve the world’s problems, nope. Not one bit. I’m not sorry for loving you completely and spoiling you…because I think that’s what best friends do. I’m not sorry at all for showing you my true colors…I’m just sorry you couldn’t see that I was being genuine.

I’m sorry that you felt the need to pull away from me and I’m sorry that I didn’t get to roll over into the next chapter with you, but I’m very grateful for all the times we had! Thank you for being part of my life, even if it was only temporary….and thanks for showing me that even if it’s for a short while, you should love those best friends with all your being.

You should also know…if the day comes and you need to knock on my door, it will always be open to you….because that’s just who I am.

Maybe it’s not me after all….

Xoxo

OkieGirl

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An Overthrown Defeat.

Yesterday was a wonderful day for me. It was the first day of a new nutrition plan, It started off with an amazing brainstorming session that set the pace for my whole day, I got to hang out with my best friend, I had zero anxiety in a situation where I used to get so overwhelmed…and I got to get in a killer shoulder workout with my incredible husband.

Such an incredible husband…

I’ve known this man for almost 7 years now…I’ve watched him struggle through and overcome so many terrible things, but one thing that remained to get him down for all these years was not being able to exercise like he used to…you know, the traditional USMC way.

You see, my love was injured while serving our country in the Marine Corps …he nearly lost his arm, and lost the majority of its function. In those 7 years he has BLOWN me away 1,000 times with the things he can do with that damn arm. It’s almost scary, to be honest. He can operate equipment, mechanic on a truck, ride his motorcycle..or anything else he puts his mind to…but he couldn’t do a push-up.

It broke my heart to see him feeling defeated…

So, about 4 months ago when I started weightlifting…I’d drag him down to work out with me. He would get in a great workout with his left arm, and then would reciprocate that workout with just 2 pounds on the other side, but it was something. He kept working, and kept pushing through…I watched him get stronger and that made me feel great but last night….

Last night I stood in our shop gym and was so overwhelmed with emotion and pride as I watched him do not only 1…but FIVE push ups for the first time since that injury.

To you that may seem like nothing, but to a man who has been defeated by his own body a thousand times, I think it’s pretty amazing.

I just want to say;

You’re a bad ass, baby…and you inspire me every day. I’m so freaking proud of you. You make me believe that there truly are no limits, and that I can achieve absolutely anything I put my mind to. You’re my hero. I’m so glad to be your partner in life.

I love you to the moon.

xoxo

OkieGirl