#RoadTo27 Day 2 – Change

Yesterday was day one of the newest DragonFit bootcamp round. I decided I was gong to fully commit this round, no half assing. I posted in our sisterhood group that I was going to do the “Mile For Time” challenge mentioned in our emails, and that I was going to crush my fastest mile. When I woke up this morning I had one thing on my mind – beating that time. I went to sleep thinking about it, I woke up thinking about it…I was going to do it.

I stretched and reached for my phone to check the time and the first thing I saw was a text from a girlfriend that said;

“Why am I afraid of change?!?!”

I sat there, phone in hand, trying to think of just what to tell her…

Because it’s scary! That’s why!!

What if you fail? What if you can’t do it? What if you lose friends? What if people mock you? What if…

…what if you succeed?

Over the last year I’ve made more changes than I can actually really wrap my head around. Small things like shaving off half my hair…and huge things like leaving my toxic marriage.

They were all scary, and they all caused exponential self growth. I’ve grown accustom to change, and I really like it – but it’s still very scary. I like it because I always grow and learn about myself, even if the change wasn’t necessarily “good”.

So, here’s my advice on change.

  • Embrace it, embrace the HELL out of it. It’s gonna be scary, but it’s going to be worth it.
  • Figure out what part of it is actually scaring you – for me, it’s often the fear of success.
  • Understand that every time you walk through a new door you’re going to lose people. Also understand that is perfectly okay. Most people we meet are just for certain phases of our lives, the ones who are meant to follow through each door will remain.
  • If there is someone who doesn’t support your change, they are NOT your tribe and you do not need them.
  • Seek positive energy and surround yourself with people who have similar goals and ambitions. It wasn’t until I did this that I really started to succeed.
  • Don’t worry about the thoughts of others. This is particularly true for lifestyle changes. When I started lifting like crazy and packing on muscle, I lost a lot of “friends” …that was my choice. No one get’s to decide what my body should look like but me!
  • LAUGH. When you hit a speed bump or completely screw up, laugh about it. Realize you’re human, find the light and just move forward.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help.Ever.
  • Find some consistency. Even if it doesn’t seem consistent, as long as you’re pushing towards your goals…you’re going to make the change permanent.
  • Don’t be afraid of failure. Failure is just in your head, there really are no failures…only lessons. Find the lesson and push forward. Readjust if you must, but keep moving towards the goal.
  • Get out of your own head. Don’t overthink it, just do it.

I think my last bit of advice on making change is this…

ALWAYS believe in yourself…and when you don’t, do it anyway.

I didn’t believe in myself when I stepped foot out to go on that run this morning. I knew there was NO way I was going to beat that time of 13:31…but I went out, and tried my damndest anyway.

I crushed it, by the way…by over 2 minutes.

You don’t always have to believe in yourself to create change, you just have to fight through the fear.

After all, on the other side of fear lies freedom.

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xoxo

OkieGirl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Who I Want To Be.

Sometimes I write and save things in a folder on my computer titled “My Mess” …it’s kinda my journal. I go back through it from time to time when I need inspiration or something…today, I came across this post and Lord knows I needed it. It’s funny how much sense we make if we just listen to our own advice.

 

Who I want to be:

I want to be a fit, strong, sexy and confident woman. I want to inspire people to be better and help others find fitness. I want to matter to someone. I want to FEEL love the same way I give it. I want to know someone who I can be so brutally honest with that it almost hurts, but just almost.

I never want to have to hide who I want to be. I never want to feel like I’m walled off from who I can be.

I want to run, be free, just be…in nature, in the world.

I want to see things – beautiful things, things that haven’t been made but have been created.

I want to see sunsets in every state and run miles down a beach until I collapse in laughter and just breathe in the salty air.

I want someone to share in my passions, whatever they may be. I want someone to believe in me to the point it almost seems toxic, but just almost.

I never want to be afraid.

Not of anything.

Especially not of becoming exactly who I am.

xoxo

OkieGirl

Hey, Mom…

I know you love her more than you love me.

Even though my whole life I’ve tried to be the perfect daughter. I’ve done everything I could do to try and make you proud of me. I’ve bent over backwards to help you just to make sure you’d love me. I’ve defended you hundreds of times to countless people…

…but you’ll never love me the way you love her.

She’s so ugly, though. She controls you. She’s turned you into someone I don’t even know. She makes you do things that make no sense, she constantly puts you in danger …and she begs you to hurt me; so you do.

She has turned you into someone so selfish and empty that I don’t even recognize your voice.

You don’t smile.

You don’t laugh.

You don’t sleep.

You don’t live…

…but you’ve got her.

You’ve got your pretty little pill addiction to get you through the day…

..but I don’t.

I have to wake up every morning and wonder if you’re still alive…and I have to deal with that, without a mistress, EVERY single day.

I have to go through HUGE things, alone.

No girl should have to sit in the bathroom floor crying while she’s losing what would have been her first child, because she can’t even call her Mom.

No girl should have to fight for the love and attention of her mother…

…so I’m done fighting.

You’ve got her, and I’ve got me.

You’ve always chose her over me…so now, I’m choosing me over you.

I hope she is there for you when you fall…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Be Thankful.

I am sure there are plenty of posts floating around telling you to be thankful this holiday season.

I say, screw that.

Be thankful all the time!

I read something the other day that hit me pretty hard;

 “If you woke up this morning with only the things you thanked God for last night, what would you have.”

That morning I would have had nothing.

That’s not good, Kristen.

I guess in the face of something like that you can either be like, “ooh, I suck, blah..blah” or you can change.

I chose to change.

Each day I acknowledge what I’m thankful for. I remind my husband and family what they mean to me. I thank God for the strength he gave me to endure the day and all of the blessing he has brought into my life. I pat myself on the back and thank my body for carrying me through the day. I take a good look around at all the STUFF I have and remember that I am one blessed lady.

It’s not about things or money – it’s about the quality of your LIFE.

Be thankful for what you have, and be thankful for what you don’t have.

Work to achieve your goals and pray for strength when you are faced with struggles.

Life is a gift in itself, don’t waste it.

Place no trust in tomorrow.

xoxo

-OkieGirl

Quality Over Quanity

As I sit here this afternoon, having a conversation with a dear friend, something hit me.

I don’t have just friends anymore…the kind like when we’re teens, the ones we gab too and grab lunch with once a month.

The friends that I have now are so much more than just friends…they are family.

The women in my life are not just “girlfriends” I gab with about random things (although, don’t get me wrong..we do this too)…they are so much more. They are the women I look up to…the women I aspire to be.

One woman, in particular, has touched my life in a way that she will NEVER understand. Mainly, because I can’t express to her what she has done for me.

She is one of the greatest role models in my life. She is an amazing woman, wife, and mother! She is everything I aspire to be. She is independent and still very grounded in her roots and faith. She is strong, SO strong, yet still has the kindest heart. She works so hard for everything she has despite the hard times that life has handed her. She loves truly and honestly and holds nothing back. She is there for me at times she doesn’t even know I need her. She is beautiful in every sense of the word, both inside and out. She believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself…and she chases her dreams every day.

Bobbie Sue,

Thank you so much for being such an outstanding woman, and thank you even more for being in my life. I look forward to all the crazy adventures we are going to share together! You’re one of a kind!

From one Daddy’s girl to another, you already knew that was true! 😉

 

So, here’s to you, Bobbie Sue, and to the very few real friends that I do have.

You know exactly who you are, and I am thankful for each and every one of you.

As we get older, we realize that the number of friends we have is irrelevant…it’s how amazing and bad ass they are.

xoxo

OkieGirl