Who I Want To Be.

Sometimes I write and save things in a folder on my computer titled “My Mess” …it’s kinda my journal. I go back through it from time to time when I need inspiration or something…today, I came across this post and Lord knows I needed it. It’s funny how much sense we make if we just listen to our own advice.

 

Who I want to be:

I want to be a fit, strong, sexy and confident woman. I want to inspire people to be better and help others find fitness. I want to matter to someone. I want to FEEL love the same way I give it. I want to know someone who I can be so brutally honest with that it almost hurts, but just almost.

I never want to have to hide who I want to be. I never want to feel like I’m walled off from who I can be.

I want to run, be free, just be…in nature, in the world.

I want to see things – beautiful things, things that haven’t been made but have been created.

I want to see sunsets in every state and run miles down a beach until I collapse in laughter and just breathe in the salty air.

I want someone to share in my passions, whatever they may be. I want someone to believe in me to the point it almost seems toxic, but just almost.

I never want to be afraid.

Not of anything.

Especially not of becoming exactly who I am.

xoxo

OkieGirl

Completely Or Not At All. { A Wandering Gypsy Post}

Try harder or walk away-that’s it, those are the choices. As I sit here & read this quote over & over in my head I start to feel as if I’m suffocating.

I haven’t been making these decisions in my life in quite some time, I’ve just been sitting here-existing. This goes for just about anything in our lives…..loving ourselves, loving a spouse, a family member, pursuing your dream or passion.

Have y’all heard the saying “there’s only one way to do everything, completely or not at all”? There is so much truth to that, when did we start thinking it was okay to half-ass something? What if a doctor half-assed a surgery he had to do?

What if a pilot half-assed flying the plane? Whatever we do, we should give it our all. We can choose to continue to give our all in our marriage, friendship, job, whatever it may be. Guys, WE CHOOSE! We choose to wake up & love ourselves, to not suffer.

Why is it that we make more stress & struggle for ourselves? Why is it that we run from making a simple decision that could change our whole live for the better? Why?

It’s simple, but it’s not easy. We all have the power within us to nurture ourselves, heal & become stronger & healthier than we once were. AGAIN, it’s not easy but it’s simple & it’s WORTH IT. At this point in my life I am struggling with multiple things.

I’m struggling to find myself, who I truly am inside. I’m not even sure when I lost myself, when my happiness disappeared into the darkness, when my self-confidence demolished, when I stopped doing the things I love….. It’s a heartbreaking thing to feel empty, alone, confused, lost into the unknown.

I’m struggling with thinking I need validation from anyone else to feel good about myself. I’m struggling with opinions of others, not as much as I used to though. Struggling with feeling guilty for the emotions I have. I believe the choice to stay or leave, ultimately determines whether we free ourselves or we suffer… I don’t know about y’all but I’m always worried about making the “right” decision.

I’m a big “what if” thinker…what if I realize I made the wrong choice & can’t fix it, what if it effects my kids in a negative way, what if everything falls apart? I’m so quick to ask the negative what ifs because of fear… But what if it changes your whole life in a positive way, what if it helps you find who you really are inside, what if your purpose is uncovered? We just need to slow down, be still & listen to what our soul is trying to tell us.

If we pay close enough attention I believe it’ll guide us in the right direction. It probably won’t be easy & it might even be a little painful, but wouldn’t you rather grow into a much better person & truly find happiness?

We need to fight through fear.

Forget about the fear we have inside & make a choice. Forget about the fear of what others might think about our choice….try harder or walk away. And get used to having that choice to make cause it will continue to pop up throughout your life. You have to figure out what’s worth it to you, who are you & what do YOU want-not anyone else. A good place to start is by loving yourself….

XoXo

WanderingGypsy