Ha! I Win!

I often feel like I repeat myself in these self improvement blogs…

“I used to be really overweight and hated my body…”

“I have actually always hated my body, and I don’t even know why…”

“I went through some really rough times and found myself using alcohol and food as an unsuccessful coping mechanism…”

I guess maybe I do repeat them because they’re relevant to where I am, who I am and why I am doing what I’m doing.

At 13 years old in the 7th grade all I wanted to do was be a cheerleader. I had no interest in any other sports, but for some reason I just really wanted to cheer. Maybe it’s because making others smile, getting them excited and supporting them is what’s hard stamped in my DNA…who knows, but I wanted it.

…this should be the part where I tell you I tried out, got the spot and cheered throughout school; or maybe where I didn’t make it and kept trying until I got it, but it’s not.

I never tried out. I, at 13 years old, thought I was too big to be a cheerleader.

Before Facebook, and Instagram…before the #fitfam was a thing…back in the day when 17 Magazine was all that existed for young girls to compare to, I genuinely believed I was too big to cheer. I don’t know that I ever thought of myself as “fat” per say, but up until a few months ago I always thought I was huge. Like, I felt like I took up a lot of space…

It wasn’t until my wonderful boyfriend held his arms out in front of him one day and said “Look, THIS is how big you are…this is where my arms touch when I hug you!” that I realized how incredibly ‘small’ I actually was, that was a tiny circle. However, I still saw a great big girl in the mirror …over the past year I have fought hard to change my perception of myself, and it’s finally worked. With constant self improvement, positive self talk and a lot of love and support from the best man in the world, it’s finally worked.

It REALLY clicked for me when I received an email from a friend and new client a couple weeks ago. I’ve looked up to her killer physique since I met her! I was noting her starting measurements when I realized we are almost the exact same size! I was baffled, blown away, dumbfounded…I had NEVER thought I could possibly be the same size as her!

Then…it finally happened. When I went to the gym for the first time last week I saw little ole me in the mirror. I didn’t see “great big unhealthy me” …I saw every change, every new visible muscle, every vein that used to be hidden…

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This was the first time I’d seen this girl staring back at me…the first time I actually just saw me for what I am. It was a proud moment, a relief that I’d finally overcome that altered image…that I was finally winning this battle!

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I no longer struggle to fit in my clothes, I no longer feel like I take up so much space, I no longer see that “bigger” version of me. I see the hard work, the dedication, the years of struggles and the triumphs; the obstacles I’ve overcome and everything that’s brought me here.  I have a positive view on the next steps of my journey, and am proud to finally be healthy.

I’m finally winning this battle with myself, after all in the end it is just you vs. you ….

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

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#RoadTo27 Day 3 – Be You.

I guess this is kinda turning into a “things I’ve learned” series…Lord knows I’ve sure as hell learned a LOT over the last year.

This morning I woke up reluctantly after a rough nights sleep knowing I had to get ready to go to a second interview. You could say I was less than excited. Not because I don’t want the job, I actually really love the company and hope I land it, but because I wasn’t in the mood to get “girled up” and impress anyone today.

Then it hit me…I don’t have to.

I took the time for my first interview to make sure my hair was perfect, my makeup was flawless, my jeans were starched and pressed and my shirt was really nice. I mean, it’s important to present yourself well, right?

Today, however, I took a different approach. Knowing the available position had been narrowed down to myself and one other lady, I had an “all or nothing” attitude. If they don’t like me for plain ole me, they don’t want to hire me…because I’m not that starched jeans and red lip girl all the time. If my personality, attributes and experience don’t get me the job, but red lips will, well…I don’t want it anyway.

I took about 15 minutes to enjoy getting ready the way I would for any normal date night or something to that effect. Fixed my hair so it didn’t look so much like a disheveled hay bale, brightened my eyes a bit and made my eyelashes visible…nothing spectacular. I threw on the only pair of “non-work” jeans I had, a tank..and a neon pink and black button up shirt.

I laughed to myself when I looked in the mirror; I felt just exactly like me. That’s a good feeling. With my confidence high I strolled to the interview.

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I was early, as usual. This gave me a few minutes to visit with one of the fellas before the other showed up. It was in this small talk that I learned something about myself…

It wasn’t the pressed jeans and put together look that got me that second interview..it was my handshake.

When he said to me “So, you used to work on a ranch? That tells me a lot about your work ethic.” …it made me smile. I take a lot of pride in those years of loping ponies and long hours with the greatest West Texas cowboy I know, and I learned a lot.

“Yes sir.” I said..and I noticed an ornery looking grin about him.

Then he said, “You know what really impressed me about you?” …puzzled, I shook my head, and that’s when he said “Your handshake.”

Now I was the one with the ornery grin! When someone compliments something that is relevant to my character, I can’t usually contain myself. Of course I gave him a thank you, but he went on to say “It’s not often you get a handshake like that, it’s respectable.”

I was seriously speechless.

The second fella showed up and we proceeded to visit about what they’d require, my ability to do those things not originally discussed, etc….near the end of our chat a man walked into the office. He seemed important, sure enough …it was their CPA. I stood and shook his hand when they introduced us. Mr.CPA looked down at the fellas doing my interview like “Whoa, really?” …I just smiled as I sat back down.

Driving home I reflected on this. I had never thought about those little things. Those little signs of respect and sincerity that set me apart…the confidence I exude when introducing myself that makes me memorable. I know that I’m silly and quirky and funny and a bit odd, but I now know that those aren’t the qualities that stand out.

It’s my genuine being…it’s ME, as an individual. It’s my manners, it’s the way I was raised…it’s the fact that I’m different. It’s the fact that I respect people as individuals.

I’m pretty proud of that.

So, even if I don’t land this job…I know that in the last year of soul searching I’ve done something right. I’ve stayed true to my most genuine self. The woman who has never met a stranger, who respects everyone and who would do just about anything to put a smile on a face.

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Seriously, anything.

Stay true to who you are. Be YOU.

xoxo

OkieGirl

 

 

#RoadTo27 Day 2 – Change

Yesterday was day one of the newest DragonFit bootcamp round. I decided I was gong to fully commit this round, no half assing. I posted in our sisterhood group that I was going to do the “Mile For Time” challenge mentioned in our emails, and that I was going to crush my fastest mile. When I woke up this morning I had one thing on my mind – beating that time. I went to sleep thinking about it, I woke up thinking about it…I was going to do it.

I stretched and reached for my phone to check the time and the first thing I saw was a text from a girlfriend that said;

“Why am I afraid of change?!?!”

I sat there, phone in hand, trying to think of just what to tell her…

Because it’s scary! That’s why!!

What if you fail? What if you can’t do it? What if you lose friends? What if people mock you? What if…

…what if you succeed?

Over the last year I’ve made more changes than I can actually really wrap my head around. Small things like shaving off half my hair…and huge things like leaving my toxic marriage.

They were all scary, and they all caused exponential self growth. I’ve grown accustom to change, and I really like it – but it’s still very scary. I like it because I always grow and learn about myself, even if the change wasn’t necessarily “good”.

So, here’s my advice on change.

  • Embrace it, embrace the HELL out of it. It’s gonna be scary, but it’s going to be worth it.
  • Figure out what part of it is actually scaring you – for me, it’s often the fear of success.
  • Understand that every time you walk through a new door you’re going to lose people. Also understand that is perfectly okay. Most people we meet are just for certain phases of our lives, the ones who are meant to follow through each door will remain.
  • If there is someone who doesn’t support your change, they are NOT your tribe and you do not need them.
  • Seek positive energy and surround yourself with people who have similar goals and ambitions. It wasn’t until I did this that I really started to succeed.
  • Don’t worry about the thoughts of others. This is particularly true for lifestyle changes. When I started lifting like crazy and packing on muscle, I lost a lot of “friends” …that was my choice. No one get’s to decide what my body should look like but me!
  • LAUGH. When you hit a speed bump or completely screw up, laugh about it. Realize you’re human, find the light and just move forward.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help.Ever.
  • Find some consistency. Even if it doesn’t seem consistent, as long as you’re pushing towards your goals…you’re going to make the change permanent.
  • Don’t be afraid of failure. Failure is just in your head, there really are no failures…only lessons. Find the lesson and push forward. Readjust if you must, but keep moving towards the goal.
  • Get out of your own head. Don’t overthink it, just do it.

I think my last bit of advice on making change is this…

ALWAYS believe in yourself…and when you don’t, do it anyway.

I didn’t believe in myself when I stepped foot out to go on that run this morning. I knew there was NO way I was going to beat that time of 13:31…but I went out, and tried my damndest anyway.

I crushed it, by the way…by over 2 minutes.

You don’t always have to believe in yourself to create change, you just have to fight through the fear.

After all, on the other side of fear lies freedom.

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xoxo

OkieGirl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So You Wanna Lose Some Weight?

So you wanna lose some weight, get healthy, build some muscle and lose some fat?

You say you’ve tried everything and nothing works…the fat just won’t come off. You’ve tried all the pills and quick fixes, you’ve worked out and ate healthy..there must just be something wrong with you.

Well, there is.

You’re lying to yourself.

How do I know? Because I’ve done it.

I’ve lied to myself about how much effort I was actually putting into workouts, and how healthy I was actually eating. I wanted an excuse as to why I was overweight other than I had done it to myself.

There isn’t one.

For exactly one month I have been 100% on point with my diet and have been consistent in my workouts. It’s sad for me to say this is the longest I’ve stuck to something…and guess what; I’m seeing the results I want!

I’m down 13 pounds and numerous inches in just this short time. My food selection is really limited right now, but that’s what I needed to make the change…and I don’t even feel deprived because it’s all SO good.

My workouts are crazy, fun and addictive…and it’s so amazing watching my body change.

My skin is clear, my brain fog is gone, my anger and anxiety have completely disappeared and I haven’t had a headache in a month. I am happier, I sleep better, I have SO much more energy and I don’t crash in the  afternoon. All my digestive issues have worked themselves out and my hair is even growing faster…oh yeah, and the fat loss and muscle gain is pretty great. On top of all that my body aches and joint pain is gone as well…WHY did it take me so long to really give this an honest try?

At this point…there is no going back. There is no more fast food or processed shit for this girl, and DAMN sure no gluten! I feel like I need to write my body a sincere apology for treating it so poorly for so long.

Most people don’t actually know how good they’re designed to feel.

So, here’s my advice.

Stop looking for that quick fix.

Cut out gluten, dairy and EVERY single processed food or drink, get in at least 3 GOOD workouts a week…and give that an HONEST effort for 4 weeks and then see how you feel.

Is it an easy change? HELL no…but it’s been the absolute best thing I’ve ever done…and I’ll never be the person I used to be because of it.

I will say…it’s so much easier if you have a partner (in my case, my wonderful husband). Sometimes you just need to whine about how much you really want that Red Lobster biscuit…and have someone who understands.

Also – it’s important to make it fun. Don’t think of it as something restrictive or a short term diet..look at it as a permanent change. Have little fitness contests with your partner in crime, and keep laughing through the struggles.

If you can make it 4 weeks…you can make it a lifetime.

You ARE worth it.

If you don’t have a partner…EMAIL ME! I’ll be your P.I.C!!

This life is to beautiful to waste it in pain and unhappy.

So, you get out there and KILL IT!

xoxo

OkieGirl

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Finding Yourself. {A Wandering Gypsy Post}

Is it possible to love yourself without knowing who you truly are?

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately.

I think it is possible, because I believe a healthy person continues to reinvent themselves throughout their life. Loving yourself & finding yourself are both a journey, not a destination. We can get so overwhelmed by all our little imperfections that we don’t see any goodness in ourselves anymore. This can absolutley destroy our relationship with ourselves. This will cut out all the beauty, joy & love that could be possible in our lives.

Happiness is ultimately an inside job.Whatever you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside.

I struggle daily with focusing on all my little imperfections & making them seem huge. I struggle with horrible anxiety as well, which makes this all 20 times worse. Because anxiety keeps me from reaching my full potential & allowing my true self to blossom. I mean, how are others supposed to enjoy my company when I’m not even sure I enjoy my own.

When you wake up one day & you don’t really know who you are anymore, it’s very hard to ignore. So I’ve decided to get a little selfish sometimes…..like this quote for example:

“self love is an ocean & your heart is a vessel. make it full & any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you MUST come first. -Beau Taplin Society”

and people in the world will constantly try to tell us what we should do, how we should act, etc… But no!

Just no.. growing up in school I embraced who I was, always. I loved that I was unique & nobody could tell me otherwise. But somewhere along the way, I started caring. Since I’m starting this journey in loving myself & finding myself again, no more will I care. I’m letting go of the need to be loved by all. Some people aren’t going to be able to handle my rawness. I’ve realized as long as you continue to exist just to fulfill other peoples ideas of who you should be, you’ll never know who you truly are. We aren’t all supposed to be the same. How much fun would life really be if we were all the same?….I don’t think it would be.

I appreciate all kinds of people. Their beliefs, their habits, their goals, their imperfections, just everything that makes the person who they are. So I’m learning to relearn everything based on what I think and feel, not on what I’ve been told. I’m going to leave ya’ll with a little quote that helps me with this journey…

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away” -Raymond Hull

xoxo – a wandering gypsy

Goals & Greatness

I have so many things I want to say today! I’ve been thinking about life and goals and dreams and aspirations …and just exactly what I want to do with my life! I have SO many goals!

Some of those immediate goals are;

  • get a degree in holistic nutrition.
  • become a certified personal trainer.
  • get my car bonus with Le-Vel.
  • get an arena built so I can start pushing on horses again.
  • compete in a ToughMudder race.

The arena and CPT certificate are important goals as they will allow me to reach my ultimate goal of creating a women’s program. I want to create a program to help women find their way back to who they are. Maybe they were beaten and abused, maybe they have an eating disorder, maybe they have suffered a great loss…or maybe they just need support and love. Maybe the woman is just a young girl who hates her body or maybe she is an older widow who is lost in life…whatever the story is, my goal is to help.

The program will include horses and fitness in a way that I have never seen to change peoples lives. To teach them to love and trust themselves again. To show them their true physical and emotional strengths. To help them find peace in whatever it is that they battle each day.

I hope that sometime this year I am writing another blog introducing the program and it’s entirety.

I believe that everyone was put on this earth with a purpose and my purpose is to help others see the best in themselves.

It has taken me some time to really figure this out, but it is THE thing I was made for.

What were you made for? 

What are your dreams? 

I would love to hear from you!

Here’s to achieving greatness!

xoxo

OkieGirl

So Long, 20Fourteen.

As I sit here today, piddling with some things at the office I realized something;

I think I’m growing up.

The past month as been interesting as far as personal growth and like …life awareness for me.

I’ve continued to make decisions based on what I want, MY future and well being and just doing things that make me happy.

Sounds kinda selfish, I guess…but I don’t feel bad about it.

In 25 years of living with myself I’ve learned a lot about me…and one of my biggest flaws and greatest assets are one in the same. I care too much about other people and helping them achieve and realize greatness within themselves.

It’s a flaw because in doing this I shove myself to the back and don’t worry about me.

WELL – 2015 brings a new opportunity to better myself and my life.

I have a lot of goals, but something I wish to focus on more than anything is simply taking care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually.

I’ve come to realize that those I love and care for won’t suffer for this, but will benefit. If I’m in my best health and frame of mind I can help them realize their greatness even better!! See how I tricked myself into taking better care of me by assuming it will benefit others?

I guess I’m pretty selfless…but making others happy truly is what makes me happy. It’s what I was born to do.

I was created with broad shoulders and a strong back so I can hold the weight of many things….and I’m thankful for that.

I’ve really enjoyed this past year with all my friends and family and I just can’t wait for all the amazing things 2015 will bring us!

Happy New Year, all!

 

xoxo

 

OkieGirl