Warrior – noun : a brave or experienced fighter.
It’s 7am and the sun breaking through the shades wakes her from a half assed and pain filled sleep.
Moving is a chore and actually getting out of bed seems absolutely daunting, but there is no other option.
As she struggles to find clothes that don’t cause her pain more pain she hears the littles stirring, and so it begins.
She shoves the pain and nausea deep inside and makes her way to their morning routine. Smiling, giggling, tickling and picking out clothes; supervising teeth brushing and keeping their good morning good.
Hiding the pain behind a smile and a stiff walk, she gets them off to school and makes it to work.
Sitting is miserable, standing is miserable, breathing hurts so much, any form of using the bathroom hurts, she is starving but eating causes nausea..and so does not eating.
11 o’clock rolls around and she can’t help but send that “I’m hurting today.” text to her husband, feeling SO guilty for even thinking of complaining…
Lunch time comes and she tries to find something that will settle, but nothing does. Nausea from the pain is basically constant. She’s really good at not puking, and that’s sadly something she’s proud of.
She struggles through her work, fighting the confusion from an unexplainable brain fog and finally getting the project complete before she can go home.
It’s 2 pm, she is fighting the intense fatigue just to make it to the house; so bad she considers literally taping her eyelids open for fear of falling asleep at the wheel. Through a scary 5 miles she makes it home to her heating pad and favorite pillow.
No noise, and no blankets because by now even her skin hurts…only the pillow and now the lab puppy that’s laying across her lap. She falls into a fatigue fueled sleep that she imagines resembles a mild coma.
What seems like 3 minutes passes and her alarm goes off, it’s time to go get the kids, do the chores and get dinner ready.
The pain is no better, the fatigue is still hanging over hear head and once again…she straps on her smile and gets it done.
So, please know this;
Just because she’s bouncing around and smiling and laughing with the kids doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to fall into your arms and break into tears.
Just because she’s productive at work doesn’t mean that she hasn’t been struggling to even understand what she is reading.
Just because she does it all, doesn’t mean she is okay…
…and just because she let’s you know that she’s hurting, please know that she isn’t whining; she is just scared and feeling very alone.
She is a warrior, fighting her invisible disease, her pain, the doubt of her friends and family…over and over, every day.
She is a warrior that puts those she loves first, regardless…
…she isn’t whiney, she IS a warrior.
A Silent Warrior